Becoming a surrogate is one of the most powerful, life-giving things a person can do, but it’s hugely complex. It’s full of hormones, lawyers, HIPAA-protected spreadsheets, and insurance intricacies you didn’t even know existed.
When you’re trusting someone else to guide you through this massive experience, you want to make sure they know what they’re doing. And not just “I watched a documentary once” level of knowing, or “I was a surrogate once” type of knowledge. We’re talking professional, ethical, experienced, compassionate, and transparent.
In other words: you want a reputable agency.
But how do you know if the agency you’re talking to is reputable? After all, anyone can slap “Compassionate Journeys Inc.” on a website and post some pastel photos of babies and daffodils, and type up reviews by anonymous users. It takes more than a pretty website and fast talking to prove that an agency is legit, and legitimate agencies don’t necessarily equate to ethical agencies.
Let’s break down the five biggest signs that your agency is the real deal-and how to spot the red flags that mean it’s time to back your way out as quickly as possible.
They Screen You Like They Actually Care (Because They Do)
Yes, a reputable agency will screen you to the point where you feel like every aspect of your life has been intruded upon-and that’s a good thing.
A proper surrogate screening process includes:
- A comprehensive application and interview process.
- A detailed review of your medical history by someone who can actually read OB records.
- A psychological evaluation to make sure you’re emotionally ready for this (because this journey can be an emotional roller coaster and they want to make sure you have a seatbelt in place)
- A background check for you, and any adult living in your house with you.
- Some will even require a home study or visit.
You might feel like you’re applying for a top-secret mission—and honestly, you are. You’re carrying someone else’s future. They should want to know that you’re ready.
They should also screen the intended parents just as thoroughly. You’re trusting them too, and a good agency doesn’t cut corners for anyone. Your IPs should have had a psychological evaluation, background checks, and a thorough interview process.
Red Flag Alert: If you’re “approved” after a two-minute phone call and a couple of Facebook messages? That’s not a screening-that’s a setup. If you’re matched before they’ve even received your last delivery records? Tell them thanks, but no thanks, and then get out of there.
They’re Clear About Compensation-No Smoke, No Mirrors, No Padded Numbers
Money talk shouldn’t feel like negotiating at a flea market, or being steamrolled by a car salesman. A reputable agency will be crystal clear about what you’ll earn, when you’ll earn it, and what is and isn’t included.
Look for:
- Itemized compensation breakdowns (base pay, monthly allowance, embryo transfer fees, maternity clothing, lost wages, child care, etc.).
- Escrow accounts to ensure your funds are protected and available when you need them—not held by either party’s attorney, or the agency, but by a reputable third party escrow company.
- Transparency about reimbursements-how you submit them, how long they take, and who approves them.
They’ll also be upfront if a specific clinic, state, or parent pairing may reduce or increase certain fees. No surprises. No awkward “oh, we forgot to tell you…” moments when you’re 8 months pregnant and can no longer see your feet. Everything should be spelled out, and they should be happy to answer any questions you have, big or small.
Red Flag Alert: If they say “you’ll be well taken care of” but can’t (or won’t) give you numbers, or they ask you to sign something without knowing your compensation? Run.
They Know the Law (And Follow It Without Question)
A solid surrogacy agency will be deeply familiar with the legal landscape of surrogacy-state by state, contract by contract, and even clinic by clinic. They won’t skirt around the rules or give you vague answers like, “Oh, it’s kind of a gray area, but you should be fine.”
They will:
- Only match you in surrogacy-legal states.
- Explain the parentage process clearly and confidently.
- Provide access to a licensed reproductive attorney (one that YOU’VE chosen from a list of surrogacy attorneys in your state-your attorney should never be assigned)
- Make sure everything is in writing before transfer-including who makes what decisions and when.
Bonus points if they never get frustrated by you needing more time to decide, you having more questions, or you wanting to speak to other surrogates they’ve worked with. Your agency should encourage you to have as much education and autonomy as possible.
Red Flag Alert: If they say things like “we usually skip that step,” or “the contract is standard, but nobody is really going to follow every part of it,” close that tab, block that number, and go do literally anything else.
They Communicate Like Professionals, Not Car Salesmen
You should never feel like you’re chasing down your agency for answers, or like you have to wait days at a time for a response.
A good agency:
- Responds promptly and respectfully to your questions.
- Assigns you a coordinator or case manager who sticks with you through the entire journey, not just until transfer or pregnancy confirmation.
- Proactively prepares you for every stage: screenings, legal, med protocol, transfer, pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum.
Even better? They check in on you just because. They remember your birthday. They ask how your kids are. They make you feel like more than just a walking womb, or a product to make money off of.
Red Flag Alert: If it takes five emails to get a simple answer or you feel like you’re constantly being handed off to someone new, the agency may be disorganized—or worse, just going through the motions.
They Prioritize You, Not Just the Intended Parents
Surrogacy is a beautiful balance, and everyone matters-surrogate, intended parents, baby-but a truly reputable agency understands that your well-being is the foundation for everything else.
They will:
- Advocate for your voice in the match process.
- Ensure that your preferences (e.g., selective reduction, termination, number of embryos, delivery hospital, and how involved the IPs are) are respected and documented.
- Have clear mental health support available to you throughout the journey even after delivery.
- Prepare you for the fourth trimester (that weird, emotional time postpartum where your hormones are in full swing, and you’re at a loss with what to do with your time because there’s no baby to take care of).
They should never make you feel guilty for asking questions or setting boundaries. In fact, they’ll probably help you set better ones.
Red Flag Alert: If they’re constantly pressuring you to “just be flexible” or dismissing your needs in favor of the intended parents? That’s a big NO and a sign that you’re committing to a company that isn’t committed to you.
Bonus Round: Other Green Flags Worth Noting
They’ve been around for a while. A reputable agency will have a solid track record, testimonials, and referrals from past surrogates.
They welcome questions. You can ask about success rates, matching timelines, legal steps, or what their favorite snack is during contract reviews. A good agency won’t flinch.
They offer support groups or surrogate communities. Whether online or in-person, they connect you with other women who’ve walked this path because they don’t want you to have to figure it out alone.
They listen. If you tell them you’re nervous or unsure about a match or a decision, they don’t bulldoze you—they guide you.
Trust Your Instincts (and Keep Those Receipts)
At the end of the day, you are entering into a sacred, complicated, life-changing experience. You have every right to be picky about who walks that journey with you, both in terms of the IPs and the agency itself.
Ask questions. Ask for policies in writing. Trust your gut. If something feels off, don’t ignore it-investigating now can save you a world of trouble later. Don’t be afraid to pump the brakes, to ask more questions, to back out completely. This is your journey too, and you’re not a passive participant in it. A good agency won’t make you feel like a problem, they’ll make you feel like a partner.
Because you’re not “just” a surrogate. You’re a person, one with her own life and dreams and family, and your worth is not determined by how much you bend to an agency or IPs requests. You matter, with or without surrogacy. And any agency worth your time will treat you that way.
