Do’s and Don’ts for Surrogates

Surrogacy is a unique responsibility. How many people have the opportunity to carry another couple’s child?

With the weight of this life-changing duty in mind, it’s no wonder that you’re looking for tips on what makes a good surrogate mother. From ways to take care of your own body, to a kind and compassionate disposition, to flexibility amidst disagreement and so much more, there are plenty qualities of a good surrogate mother to consider.

If you’re already here, reading this, thinking about how you want to be the best gestational surrogate for your intended parents, then you are already on the right track. That kind of care and intentionality is the first step.

For more tips on how to be a surrogate, keep reading. And, to learn more about starting your own process as a gestational carrier, contact us today.

The Do’s of Being a Good Surrogate

There’s not an exact guide for how to be a good surrogate. It’s a bit more complicated than that.

Everyone experiences a unique relationship in the course of their surrogacy process. Your connection to the intended parents will depend on a whole host of factors that are unique to your situation. So, rather than specific actions to take, these qualities of a good surrogate mother will focus on the big-picture attitudes, practices and character traits that typically show up in successful surrogacy processes.

Before going any further, we want to make an important point about the term “surrogate mother.” Surrogacy professionals prefer the terms “gestational carrier” and “surrogate,” because a gestational carrier is never actually a “mother.”

However, we know that “surrogate mother” is one of the most common ways to talk about this process. In an effort to be accessible to anyone interested in surrogacy, we may use these terms interchangeable. It is always best, though, to avoid the use of “surrogate mother.”

Prioritize Your Health

It might be that the most important thing you can do for your intended parents is to focus on yourself. Your health as a gestational carrier is paramount to the success of this process. Maintaining a healthy diet, committing to a regular exercise routine, taking up mindfulness practice to reduce stress and getting plenty of rest are all ways to be a good surrogate.

Keep an Open Mind

Navigating the surrogacy medical process requires open-mindedness and flexibility. Especially for women who haven’t been gestational carriers before, it can feel very strange to include others in medical decisions that feel so deeply personal. It’s one thing to know this will happen, and it’s another to experience it. If you feel yourself getting closed off, or wanting space to make decisions on your own, remind yourself that openness and flexibility are key qualities of a good surrogate mother.

Communicate Clearly

Surrogacy is all about relationship. The trust that develops between yourself and the intended parents will be one of the most important elements of a successful process. One way to build that trust is clear communication. The ability to honestly and compassionately communicate your needs is one of the main traits of a good surrogate.


It may seem a bit silly at first glance, but documenting your experience will benefit you personally, as well as the intended parents. You’re going on a life-changing journey. You should remember it! And, journals make a great present for intended parents once the process is complete. It could become something the child you carry treasures for many years.

Offer Support for the Transition

Babies become familiar with their surroundings while they are still in the womb. This is particularly true with sounds and smells. What does this have to be with how to be a good surrogate? As the delivery date draws near, you can take small steps to make your environment similar to that of the intended parents. This means playing their favorite music, being around the intended parents so that the child can hear their voices, and preparing transitional items from your home, like a baby blanket, that will have a smell the child is familiar with. Some Intended Parents may even create a recording of their voices for you to play to the baby in utero.

The Don’ts for Gestational Carriers

While the things above are all ways to be a good surrogate, the following are things you may want to avoid:

Don’t Keep Quiet When You Have Important Questions

It may seem like you are being humble or a good listener when you refrain from speaking up. But that’s not the case when it comes to qualities of a good surrogate mother. Everyone benefits when you feel confident. If you have an important question, be sure to ask it. Keeping it in and moving forward without a clear answer can create feelings of confusion and resentment that will be detrimental down the line.

Don’t Rush Through Your Contract

Most of us are uncomfortable with legal jargon. Plus, the contract is usually the last step before starting the surrogacy medical process. So, you may be eager to get past the contract and on with the rest of the process. But, this is an important legal document, and it’s never worth rushing. When you work with our team, we’ll make sure that you are in the best legal position including having your own attorney to review the contract with you. Southern Surrogacy is actually owned by a local law firm, Claiborne | Fox | Bradley | Goldman. By choosing a law-firm-owned surrogacy program, you can be confident in the legal standing of your process.

Don’t Try to Go It Alone

You may feel that because of how personal the surrogacy process is, it would be better to leave others out of it. They don’t need to bear your challenges, right? Actually, one of the best qualities of a good surrogate mother is the willingness to rely on others. It’s important for your own family to be totally supportive — especially your partner. You may even consider additional support, like counseling, during the process. A strong support system can make the whole process better.

Don’t Focus on the Money

Any woman who becomes a gestational carrier deserves fair compensation, and our team will always make sure you receive that. However, it shouldn’t be your focus during the process. Rather, one of the qualities of a good surrogate mother is that she is motivated by the opportunity to do something amazing for intended parents.

Southern Surrogacy’s Gestational Carrier Requirements

We hope these do’s and don’ts for surrogates are helpful if you are considering becoming a gestational carrier. It can be a truly incredible journey. Our team is made up of knowledgeable, compassionate, experienced professionals who would be honored to provide services and support to you through our surrogacy program.

Each surrogacy programs sets its own requirements for surrogates — think of these as our personal qualities of a good surrogate mother. For Southern Surrogacy, these include:

  • Be at least 21 years old
  • Have a previous healthy pregnancy
  • Be raising your own child in your home
  • Be smoke- and drug-free
  • Have a healthy BMI
  • Be able to travel for surrogacy appointments
  • Live in Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Tennessee or Alabama
  • And more

These are our initial surrogate requirements. Once we know that you meet these traits of a good surrogate, a surrogacy professional will be in touch to talk more about our surrogacy program and see if you are a good fit.

Contact Us Today

Would you like to learn more about working with Southern Surrogacy? You can take the next step in your journey by filling out this Information Request Form. If you have more questions before you feel ready to fill out the form, please don’t hesitate to contact us today.