I am currently an Intended Mother, waiting for my chance at motherhood. As I sit on a list, and wait for my chance, I can’t help but ponder what I will look for in my gestational carrier. It goes without saying that I want her to be responsible and loving. There is a lot of ‘expectation vs reality’ thoughts on what I want out of my journey to motherhood. For me, I have been in the infertility world for years, so I know all about expectations vs reality. This is just a short list of my non-negotiables.
- In it for the right reasons
As an Intended Mother, I want to make sure the carrier of my baby is doing it for the right reasons. It is understood that she will be compensated for her time and sacrifices, but I want her to do it because she genuinely wants to help me become a mother. I want her to rub her belly telling my baby all about me. When the baby gets here, I want us to cry tears of joy together that a dream has become a reality. I personally would love to help her family accomplish a dream too. Maybe they need the money to buy their first home or help make a life change. If multiple dreams can come true during our journey then it’s a win for me!
- Open Communication
7 years of infertility has made me anxious, and impatient. While I do not expect constant communication,
I do want her to communicate. I want it to feel easy and comfortable. It might seem weird at first, but I want to be able to build a relationship where I can ask questions and not feel awkward. I hope they understand (to the best of their ability), that this will be hard for me at times, and I just want to be “in the know”. If she has an appointment, I hope she tells me how it goes before I have to reach out and ask. If I have a question or concern, I want to feel comfortable bringing it up and working it out. This is a relationship, and I hope we can build one that is solid, and beautiful.
We are going to embark on the most intimate and complicated relationship anyone has ever gone through. And we may not see everything the same way. I want to know that she is open-minded to whatever challenges come our way. I also want her to know that we are open-minded to her beliefs and opinions. We don’t have to agree on our approaches to parenthood, but I hope that regardless of our differences, we will accept each other and our differences.
- This surrogate pregnancy is different than her own pregnancy
Being a surrogate is way different than getting pregnant the “old fashioned way” I want her to know that there are a lot more appointments and it can take more time to get pregnant. I also want her to know that there will be shots and medications that have to be taken exactly as prescribed to give the best chance of a successful embryo transfer. Also with a surrogate journey, there can be a lot of “ups and downs” and can often feel a little like a roller coaster. I want to be there for my surrogate through these times since I have spent many years on this very same roller coaster and it isn’t easy.
I am sure there are 100 things I could add to this list, but there is no perfect person or perfect scenario. All relationships require work, and I can’t wait to work on mine with whoever we get matched with!
As a Gestational Carrier we want to hear from you- What do you want our IPs to know?