Ways to cope with  the “Hurry Up and Wait” game

In the beginning of your Surrogacy journey you probably did the following…

You probably researched online what the process was all about. You probably found surrogacy influencers and followed their content. You probably spoke to friends, family, and maybe even joined some Facebook groups. You hopefully felt more comfortable the more you learned, and you felt as ready as you could to begin your journey. 

But no matter how prepared you are, no one could prepare you for the inevitable waiting game. 

The constant battle of hurrying up to do something, but once you did it now you have to just wait. 

Hurry up and get on the list, but wait months (or even years) to get matched.

Get matched, and hurry up to to start medical screening. But wait for the results. Wait to see if she is even going to pass medical screening. 

Hurry up to sign the contract, but wait to make sure every I is dotted and T is crossed. Wait for it to be finalized and for everyone to sign.

Hurry up to schedule the transfer, and wait to see if it worked. 

Hurry up to get to the pregnancy, but wait nine months for that baby to get here.

The waiting is the worse part.

How do we overcome this inevitable piece of this puzzle? 

The easiest answer is to stay open and communicate with each other. 

Come up with a schedule on how you will receive updates. Maybe it’s once a week, or after every appointment. If your struggling with the waiting talk to your social worker, or your psychologist. That’s what they are there for. They understand the waiting is hard, and they want to help you through this process. Remember the saying “Good things come to those who wait”? Well it’s true (for the most part). But staying in contact, and being open will go a long way for your mental health and for everyone involved.

Sometimes the waiting will feel never-ending, but remember most of the waiting is out of anyones control, so you must find ways to be patient. Maybe try some of these to get you started:

Distract yourself with other tasks that need to be done, or even things you know should be done, but you have been putting off.

Get physical.  Go for a walk outside, or turn on some music and dance around like no-one’s watching!

Write in a journal, or send a letter to a loved on.

Clean the house (again). 

We know the path to parenthood thru surrogacy has it’s complexities. Which is why we at Southern Surrogacy want you to feel like you have a family to rely on. We want to support you through it all. You are never alone in this process! 


Custody Of Embryos In Event Of Divorce

For many couples, the only way to build their family is through assisted reproductive technologies (ART) including in vitro fertilization (IVF). With IVF, eggs are retrieved from a woman’s body and fertilized with sperm in the laboratory, creating embryos that are grown for several days outside the body. At that point, many embryos are cryopreserved prior to transfer to a woman’s uterus. What becomes of such embryos if they remain in storage at the time of progenitors’ divorce?

Reproductive clinics usually require couples to sign documents detailing disposition of their embryos in the event of their deaths and in the event of non-payment of storage fees. Clinics may also require agreement between the couple detailing what should happen if the couple divorces or one spouse is incapacitated while embryos are frozen. Options include procreation by one or both spouses, donation to medical research, or thaw and degeneration of the embryos. In California, New Jersey and Massachusetts it is required by statute that the fertility center mandate their patients to agree on disposition in a variety of circumstances, including divorce (See for example, California: Health and Safety Code 125315).

There have been several reported cases on the issue of what happens to embryos in controversy in divorce proceedings. In general, courts have followed specific agreements made by the progenitors prior to dissolution of marriage, including awarding embryos to the spouse designated by previous mutual agreement. However, if divorce was not contemplated in any consent form or agreement, courts have been hesitant to allow procreation by a former spouse against the other former spouse’s wishes (See Davis v. Davis (Tenn. 1992) 842 S.W.2d 588 and Kass v. Kass (N.Y. 1998) 696 N.E.2d 174). In fact, there is only one reported instance of a court allowing a former spouse to procreate using the genetic material of their former spouse over his objection. In it, the court used a balancing approach to award embryos to the wife when facts showed she was a cancer survivor who had no other means of procreation with her own genetic material (Reber v. Reiss (Pa. Super. Ct. 2012) 42 A.3d 1131). The parties in Reber v. Reiss had not agreed to any particular disposition in the event of death or divorce and their clinic had not required them to do so.

North Carolina does not have statutory guidance or reported cases on the issue of embryo disposition during equitable distribution. Therefore, attorneys should counsel their clients to enter into direct agreement with each other during marriage to clearly state their intent for disposition of embryos in the event of divorce, death or incapacity. Fertility clinics should also require consent forms be signed detailing embryo disposition in a variety of circumstances. And, to avoid confusion over intent, patients need to be sure that if they do sign a separate direct agreement with each other, that it is consistent with the consent forms on file with their medical provider.

Originally posted at


Southern Surrogacy Directors’ Retreat

Lynn Holland Goldman at our snowbound retreat.
Lynn Holland Goldman at our snowbound retreat.

Southern Surrogacy’s four directors, Ruth F. Claiborne, Amy Wallas Fox, Lila Newberry Bradley and Lynn Holland Goldman gathered together in Highlands, North Carolina for a 2 day retreat this week. We were nearly snowed in! In addition to making significant progress on business matters, we took a hike, cooked a mean surf and turf dinner and enjoyed beautiful scenery.

Surrogates: Apply Now!