Ways to cope with  the “Hurry Up and Wait” game

In the beginning of your Surrogacy journey you probably did the following…

You probably researched online what the process was all about. You probably found surrogacy influencers and followed their content. You probably spoke to friends, family, and maybe even joined some Facebook groups. You hopefully felt more comfortable the more you learned, and you felt as ready as you could to begin your journey. 

But no matter how prepared you are, no one could prepare you for the inevitable waiting game. 

The constant battle of hurrying up to do something, but once you did it now you have to just wait. 

Hurry up and get on the list, but wait months (or even years) to get matched.

Get matched, and hurry up to to start medical screening. But wait for the results. Wait to see if she is even going to pass medical screening. 

Hurry up to sign the contract, but wait to make sure every I is dotted and T is crossed. Wait for it to be finalized and for everyone to sign.

Hurry up to schedule the transfer, and wait to see if it worked. 

Hurry up to get to the pregnancy, but wait nine months for that baby to get here.

The waiting is the worse part.

How do we overcome this inevitable piece of this puzzle? 

The easiest answer is to stay open and communicate with each other. 

Come up with a schedule on how you will receive updates. Maybe it’s once a week, or after every appointment. If your struggling with the waiting talk to your social worker, or your psychologist. That’s what they are there for. They understand the waiting is hard, and they want to help you through this process. Remember the saying “Good things come to those who wait”? Well it’s true (for the most part). But staying in contact, and being open will go a long way for your mental health and for everyone involved.

Sometimes the waiting will feel never-ending, but remember most of the waiting is out of anyones control, so you must find ways to be patient. Maybe try some of these to get you started:

Distract yourself with other tasks that need to be done, or even things you know should be done, but you have been putting off.

Get physical.  Go for a walk outside, or turn on some music and dance around like no-one’s watching!

Write in a journal, or send a letter to a loved on.

Clean the house (again). 

We know the path to parenthood thru surrogacy has it’s complexities. Which is why we at Southern Surrogacy want you to feel like you have a family to rely on. We want to support you through it all. You are never alone in this process! 


The Baby Waiting Game

The phrase “hurry up and wait” is all too common for us in the world of fertility. The waiting game starts when trying to find the right person to share your life with. Then there’s the waiting for the right time. Maybe the waiting starts at the first appointment or for test results. My favorite waiting game are those 3 minutes for a Dollar store pregnancy test to determine the next phase of my life. Or maybe you’re like me and your “hurry up and wait” has managed to last 6.5 years. Now you’re literally sitting on a waiting list to be matched with someone who will gift you with the opportunity to try again. And even after you match you still have to play the game again. Wait to be cleared, wait for appointments, wait for the call, wait, wait, wait. It can be maddening. So how do we play the game? There’s no right or wrong way to play, but you have to play or you will go crazy. Personally, I am a very impatient person, and this waiting game can play with someone else for all I care. But we all know that the prize at the end of the game is worth it, so okay I will play. But I’m not happy about it. 

Whether you just started playing The Baby Waiting Game, or you have been at it for a while, just know you’re not the only player. But maybe we can help each other get thru this (you know like make some kind of cheat codes or form an alliance! Haha).

Here are some of my “cheat codes” when playing The Baby Waiting Game. Good luck! 

Take this opportunity to bring in some money to assist with the costs. There’s tons of ideas for fundraising. We did a Puzzle fundraiser, a T-Shirt fundraiser, we even teamed up with a local business who did s fundraiser night and donated a % of the proceeds to our cause. There’s a lot of ideas out there! 

Get your house ready for that baby. Do house projects  that maybe you would have put off if the baby was here. Maybe you want to move to a bigger/smaller house.

I changed job industries. I left my job that I was at for 10 years and dived into another industry. I took a pay-cut, but I was able to try something new without worrying about it effecting my family and our finances. Maybe now is the time to go for that job you always wanted or hey maybe its time to go back to school! OR maybe it’s time to start that new business  you have been thinking of. If you try it now go for it!

When the baby gets here going on vacations will be different. So take this time to go to the places you have always wanted. 

Do all the things that you want to do for you. When your baby gets here, you will be so in love, and focused on your new family unit. So take advantage of this time to do all the things you want to do for yourself. Try new things, or maybe bring back old-things into your life. Just focus on you right now, because you’re going to need those reminders of who you are outside of parenthood some day. So build up those reminders now while you have the time. 

It doesn’t matter what you decide to do with your time. Just remember you only get one life to live, so live it the way you want. Don’t let The Baby Waiting Game take up so much room in your life that you forget to actually live! These are just suggestions from my own personal experience. If you could add more to this list, do it! I would love to hear other ideas on how you beat The Baby Waiting Game. 


Custody Of Embryos In Event Of Divorce

For many couples, the only way to build their family is through assisted reproductive technologies (ART) including in vitro fertilization (IVF). With IVF, eggs are retrieved from a woman’s body and fertilized with sperm in the laboratory, creating embryos that are grown for several days outside the body. At that point, many embryos are cryopreserved prior to transfer to a woman’s uterus. What becomes of such embryos if they remain in storage at the time of progenitors’ divorce?

Reproductive clinics usually require couples to sign documents detailing disposition of their embryos in the event of their deaths and in the event of non-payment of storage fees. Clinics may also require agreement between the couple detailing what should happen if the couple divorces or one spouse is incapacitated while embryos are frozen. Options include procreation by one or both spouses, donation to medical research, or thaw and degeneration of the embryos. In California, New Jersey and Massachusetts it is required by statute that the fertility center mandate their patients to agree on disposition in a variety of circumstances, including divorce (See for example, California: Health and Safety Code 125315).

There have been several reported cases on the issue of what happens to embryos in controversy in divorce proceedings. In general, courts have followed specific agreements made by the progenitors prior to dissolution of marriage, including awarding embryos to the spouse designated by previous mutual agreement. However, if divorce was not contemplated in any consent form or agreement, courts have been hesitant to allow procreation by a former spouse against the other former spouse’s wishes (See Davis v. Davis (Tenn. 1992) 842 S.W.2d 588 and Kass v. Kass (N.Y. 1998) 696 N.E.2d 174). In fact, there is only one reported instance of a court allowing a former spouse to procreate using the genetic material of their former spouse over his objection. In it, the court used a balancing approach to award embryos to the wife when facts showed she was a cancer survivor who had no other means of procreation with her own genetic material (Reber v. Reiss (Pa. Super. Ct. 2012) 42 A.3d 1131). The parties in Reber v. Reiss had not agreed to any particular disposition in the event of death or divorce and their clinic had not required them to do so.

North Carolina does not have statutory guidance or reported cases on the issue of embryo disposition during equitable distribution. Therefore, attorneys should counsel their clients to enter into direct agreement with each other during marriage to clearly state their intent for disposition of embryos in the event of divorce, death or incapacity. Fertility clinics should also require consent forms be signed detailing embryo disposition in a variety of circumstances. And, to avoid confusion over intent, patients need to be sure that if they do sign a separate direct agreement with each other, that it is consistent with the consent forms on file with their medical provider.

Originally posted at


Southern Surrogacy Directors’ Retreat

Lynn Holland Goldman at our snowbound retreat.
Lynn Holland Goldman at our snowbound retreat.

Southern Surrogacy’s four directors, Ruth F. Claiborne, Amy Wallas Fox, Lila Newberry Bradley and Lynn Holland Goldman gathered together in Highlands, North Carolina for a 2 day retreat this week. We were nearly snowed in! In addition to making significant progress on business matters, we took a hike, cooked a mean surf and turf dinner and enjoyed beautiful scenery.


Update from the Executive Director

Finally – a real blog post! Since Southern Surrogacy, LLC was formed we have had some exciting changes. The most significant is that we now have an office in Charlotte, North Carolina in addition to our offices in Atlanta and Savannah. We are working with local fertility centers here in North Carolina to be sure that local prospective intended parents and gestational carriers know that we are here. We continue to work with families who are looking for gestational carriers and women interested in serving as gestational carriers in the entire southeast region including Georgia, Alabama, South Carolina, North Carolina and Florida. If you have interest in our program please contact us. We look forward to hearing from you soon!


Surrogates: Apply Now!