Ways to cope with  the “Hurry Up and Wait” game

In the beginning of your Surrogacy journey you probably did the following…

You probably researched online what the process was all about. You probably found surrogacy influencers and followed their content. You probably spoke to friends, family, and maybe even joined some Facebook groups. You hopefully felt more comfortable the more you learned, and you felt as ready as you could to begin your journey. 

But no matter how prepared you are, no one could prepare you for the inevitable waiting game. 

The constant battle of hurrying up to do something, but once you did it now you have to just wait. 

Hurry up and get on the list, but wait months (or even years) to get matched.

Get matched, and hurry up to to start medical screening. But wait for the results. Wait to see if she is even going to pass medical screening. 

Hurry up to sign the contract, but wait to make sure every I is dotted and T is crossed. Wait for it to be finalized and for everyone to sign.

Hurry up to schedule the transfer, and wait to see if it worked. 

Hurry up to get to the pregnancy, but wait nine months for that baby to get here.

The waiting is the worse part.

How do we overcome this inevitable piece of this puzzle? 

The easiest answer is to stay open and communicate with each other. 

Come up with a schedule on how you will receive updates. Maybe it’s once a week, or after every appointment. If your struggling with the waiting talk to your social worker, or your psychologist. That’s what they are there for. They understand the waiting is hard, and they want to help you through this process. Remember the saying “Good things come to those who wait”? Well it’s true (for the most part). But staying in contact, and being open will go a long way for your mental health and for everyone involved.

Sometimes the waiting will feel never-ending, but remember most of the waiting is out of anyones control, so you must find ways to be patient. Maybe try some of these to get you started:

Distract yourself with other tasks that need to be done, or even things you know should be done, but you have been putting off.

Get physical.  Go for a walk outside, or turn on some music and dance around like no-one’s watching!

Write in a journal, or send a letter to a loved on.

Clean the house (again). 

We know the path to parenthood thru surrogacy has it’s complexities. Which is why we at Southern Surrogacy want you to feel like you have a family to rely on. We want to support you through it all. You are never alone in this process! 


The Baby Waiting Game

The phrase “hurry up and wait” is all too common for us in the world of fertility. The waiting game starts when trying to find the right person to share your life with. Then there’s the waiting for the right time. Maybe the waiting starts at the first appointment or for test results. My favorite waiting game are those 3 minutes for a Dollar store pregnancy test to determine the next phase of my life. Or maybe you’re like me and your “hurry up and wait” has managed to last 6.5 years. Now you’re literally sitting on a waiting list to be matched with someone who will gift you with the opportunity to try again. And even after you match you still have to play the game again. Wait to be cleared, wait for appointments, wait for the call, wait, wait, wait. It can be maddening. So how do we play the game? There’s no right or wrong way to play, but you have to play or you will go crazy. Personally, I am a very impatient person, and this waiting game can play with someone else for all I care. But we all know that the prize at the end of the game is worth it, so okay I will play. But I’m not happy about it. 

Whether you just started playing The Baby Waiting Game, or you have been at it for a while, just know you’re not the only player. But maybe we can help each other get thru this (you know like make some kind of cheat codes or form an alliance! Haha).

Here are some of my “cheat codes” when playing The Baby Waiting Game. Good luck! 

Take this opportunity to bring in some money to assist with the costs. There’s tons of ideas for fundraising. We did a Puzzle fundraiser, a T-Shirt fundraiser, we even teamed up with a local business who did s fundraiser night and donated a % of the proceeds to our cause. There’s a lot of ideas out there! 

Get your house ready for that baby. Do house projects  that maybe you would have put off if the baby was here. Maybe you want to move to a bigger/smaller house.

I changed job industries. I left my job that I was at for 10 years and dived into another industry. I took a pay-cut, but I was able to try something new without worrying about it effecting my family and our finances. Maybe now is the time to go for that job you always wanted or hey maybe its time to go back to school! OR maybe it’s time to start that new business  you have been thinking of. If you try it now go for it!

When the baby gets here going on vacations will be different. So take this time to go to the places you have always wanted. 

Do all the things that you want to do for you. When your baby gets here, you will be so in love, and focused on your new family unit. So take advantage of this time to do all the things you want to do for yourself. Try new things, or maybe bring back old-things into your life. Just focus on you right now, because you’re going to need those reminders of who you are outside of parenthood some day. So build up those reminders now while you have the time. 

It doesn’t matter what you decide to do with your time. Just remember you only get one life to live, so live it the way you want. Don’t let The Baby Waiting Game take up so much room in your life that you forget to actually live! These are just suggestions from my own personal experience. If you could add more to this list, do it! I would love to hear other ideas on how you beat The Baby Waiting Game. 


Southern Surrogacy Directors’ Retreat

Lynn Holland Goldman at our snowbound retreat.
Lynn Holland Goldman at our snowbound retreat.

Southern Surrogacy’s four directors, Ruth F. Claiborne, Amy Wallas Fox, Lila Newberry Bradley and Lynn Holland Goldman gathered together in Highlands, North Carolina for a 2 day retreat this week. We were nearly snowed in! In addition to making significant progress on business matters, we took a hike, cooked a mean surf and turf dinner and enjoyed beautiful scenery.

Surrogates: Apply Now!